Change your mind–are rape really “alleged”

This article on MSNBC today really burns me up, Report: Alleged Libya rape victim arrives in US.  Alleged.  ALLEGED?!  That word feels so accusatory to me. Here is what Merriam-Webster says about Alleged:

: asserted to be true or to exist <an alleged miracle>

: questionably true or of a specified kind : supposed1, so-called2 <bought an alleged antique vase>

: accused but not proven or convicted <an alleged burglar>

al·leg·ed·ly\-ˈle-jəd-lē\ adverb

Examples of ALLEGED

  1. The alleged thief was arrested.
  2. He denied the alleged conspiracy.

And what my Thesaurus comes up with:

Alleged

OK….OK….I understand it’s not proven, maybe she’s lying.  But maybe she’s telling the TRUTH!  When it comes to rape, why is the victim painted in such a poor light?  What about the accused?  Yes, yes, headlines often read “accused rape suspect”….but why put the woman (or man for that matter) under scrutiny that they did something wrong?  Who the cares if they were drunk, dressed provocatively or “asking for it”.  If someone says NO, it means fucking NO!!!

Not only did she report being raped, she reported being gang raped.

This world can really SUCK sometimes you know?

I hope she finds solace and reassurance in what must be a very emotionally taxing time for her.  That she has someone to lean on.  That will listen to her.  And truly believe she is telling the truth.

I’m inclined to believe her…

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Alienating Advertising

I love loved a Klondike bar.  The last month of my pregnancy I ate one every day.  There was NO substitute (as my husband found out the hard way).  6 years later, not sure how many times I’ve had one.  Regardless, there is was a special place in my heart for a Klondike Bar.

I was on some website this morning.  Not sure which one.  That doesn’t matter.  There was a display ad for Klondike Bars.  It had some flashy animation thing, and I saw something about more chocolate.  Knowing how much I have enjoyed them in the past – I clicked on the link.

klondike

See that highlight?  The one about the “Man Cave”?  Sure, I clicked it.  Sadly, the deeper you go into the cave, the more offensive it is to me as a Woman.  Here are a few highlights…

  1. How about that moose head?  This Guy has known it longer than “your girl” – really?
  2. “Khaki Pants Pete” – oh jeez, it is SO hard being a man, being nagged all the time by your wife, life is so fucking hard, then you have to drop off the sitter, but also get a “gift” for the bachelor party, so do you go to the sex shop first then drop off the sitter?  Can you say harassment?!
  3. “Michael Ian Black” TV – different vignettes on what a guy would do for a Klondike bar.  This riled me up the most! Women in French maid costumes serving a bar and getting an ass goggling?  They guy agrees to kiss the next woman coming out of the gym, after a parade of well toned, pretty girls in work out wear – the next one out the door is an older, heavy set, homely looking woman. That he kisses on the cheek.

klondike3klondike2

  klondike4klondike5

I tweeted a fail on Klondike for the Man Cave.  I got a response back that asked what I would do for a Klondike Bar.  Are they kidding me?!?!  So I tweeted back to them that they are missing the point.  They have alienated half their audience.  Would you want to support a product that had very little regard for women.  I haven’t heard anything back.

I get that people are tired of the whole PC environment.  I get that many women would not find this offensive.  I get that many (most?) guys don’t see the problem here…  It matters to me.  I have friends with a similar mind set that would support me.  All it takes is one voice…

What would you do?  Think about it.

No you may NOT have my blood!

I like to be a good corporate citizen.  I like to think I can help others in small ways.  Or big ways.  Depending on where you consider donating blood to land.  I began my donations back in high school.  Where at the tender age of 16, I could get my parent’s consent to give a pint and get a cookie.  Continued through college. 

Moved to Seattle and life changes a bit.  Regular, rotating schedules of tattoos and piercings made me ineligible to donate blood.  No worries, I know the blood banks need it.  But I’m not holding off on adding art to my body in the name of blood donation.  I picked it up again after I finished nursing A.  Whenever the blood mobile came to my office, I was there.  Hey – they still give out cookies!

It must have been 2 1/2 years ago now, I got a rather small tattoo on my ankle.  Completely forgetting about the restriction, I went in to donate and was turned away.  I’ll tell ya – It’s a different kind of shame to walk out of the blood mobile with a yellow slip of paper in hand.  I continued to get asks and rallies and Come On Down – We’ll Be in Your Parking Lot Tomorrow!  Each time, I sent a sweet message reminding them that I cannot give blood and please remove me from your list until 1/1/2009.

So last summer when I began the large piece on my back, I knew the drill.  No donations.  The requests continued to come in, once a month, an ask to donate.  Repeatedly asking they remove me from the list. Repeatedly  asking I’m off the list until 1/1/2011.  The last request I got, before today, I was more than irked.  I sent a strongly worded message, no more Ms. Nice Girl.  I received a very apologetic email assuring me my record was updated in all the right places and they were choosing to delay my donations until 12/31/2011.

So guess, dear reader, what fucking showed up in my email box today?! 

You know, it’s not that the volume is too high, once a month does not even register in my email volume.  However…the fact that I have to go through this dance every month?  I am now Ms Not So Nice mode.  I wanted to say something really rude like, if you email me again and I’ll call the office and be permanently removed from the database.  Expletive, bitchy, condescending kind of words.  Instead, I chose to tone it down, yet with a thread of superiority to remove my fucking name from the fucking list!

However, let it be known, if they email me one more fucking time – ALL BETS ARE OFF!

Sun Chips – Compostable Bag

This ad doesn’t sit well with me.  And here’s why…

  • Great – compostable bag.
  • Why does the time lapse show the bag decomposing in what looks like a park?
  • Does this imply to the viewer it’s OK to litter in the park.  Who the hell cares, it’s only going to return to the earth? 
  • Why not show a bunch of these bags coming together in a compost pile?…That compost gets used in a local farm….Producing veggies or fruit to be sold at the farmer’s market, donated to food shelters, etc…show how it comes back to the earth in a more realistic fashion
  • And it’s still a year out?!  How does that help Sun Chips or the effort in a Twitter age?  Companies need to react so much more quickly, in a way they didn’t exist even a few months ago before Corporate found Twitter.

Yep – when I rule the world – things like this would have been thrown up against a cynic like me.

when patience isn’t a virtue

Today I spent 45 minutes waiting for a doctor.  First, there was the 20 minutes in the waiting room (15 of which included my scheduled appointment time).  Then another 25 in the exam room.  I told the nurse I was on a time-line and needed to leave by 11:35am.  She said OK, she apologized for the delay and admitted the doctor was running late due to double booking.  “But we are catching up”.  Um, no, you aren’t.  If I wait 45 minutes and don’t get to see a doctor because of her delays, you are not catching up.

What bothers me the most is the lack of respect and accountability from the doctor.  As a patient, I need to give 48 hours notice for cancellation.  I’m also expected to alert the office if I’m running late – traffic and what-not.  And if I’m too late, or don’t even show, they are going to bill for the appointment which you know the insurer isn’t paying for.  I get that.  I get I have a responsibility to keep my commitments and be on time.  So what about the doctor?!  Is it too unreasonable to think the front desk can let me know if the doctor is running late and how long?  Is it too much to ask I be offered to reschedule my appointment for a better time?  Is it too unrealistic to think waiting more than 60 minutes to complete an appointment is obscene? 

So how are we going to change this?  It’s not going to help when most people sit in the exam room, steaming, and go through with it anyway.  Or storm out.  Me?  I wrote a letter to office outlining why I was frustrated, that I understood my patient accountability – and I requested that the doctor’s office be accountable too.  People need to stop being afraid of doctor’s and their assumed authority and assumed power in our lives.  Even the cable people are getting better at this.  Sure, a 4-hour window isn’t great.  But it’s a window.  You know what to expect up front.  Doctors?  Wake up and hear the call.  The doctor/patient is supposed to be a mutual and respectful relationship.  I promise to tell you the truth about what’s going on with me, you trust my words.  You offer me the best treatment possible, I trust your judgement and treatment.  So let’s get it together and revise the appointment policies.  OK?!

That’s going to be my new policy, if I can’t be walking out a doctor’s office 60 minutes from my schedule appointment time – I’m leaving.  Maybe I’ll even be bold enough to send a bill for MY time wasted.  Imagine the nice sum of money you would have if you got paid for wasted time at the doctor’s office.  So – go write your own letters!