Authentic Self

I love waking up before the rest of the house. Except the cat, Sam is always the first to rise. It is quiet and still. A good time for coffee and reflection.

Yesterday I returned from my fitness spa trip to Utah. I would not say it was transformative, it did help re-ground me in what I want to find important in my life. Where to spend my time.

I love moving. That I can push my body to cardiovascular edges, pick up weights and watch my muscles flex and build in a mirror, that even after all this time I can still find things that challenge me both physically and mentally.

That I can reconnect with something like “guided imagery” and learn meditation practices that I lost 20 years ago. I told our meditation leader that I want to not be tense all the time. He asked if I ever was “not tense” and I said yes. I thought back to my 20’s before I had a responsible job, a child, a partner, a pet, a mortgage, etc, I could just go on…

I want to start writing again, mostly to help get shit out of my head. I am torn about doing this online versus paper. I know, I’ve heard, and do believe that writing physically with a pen is a different experience. I also can type faster than I can write (and my spelling is better, for some reason I consistently drop a letter from every word when I write with a pen, maybe that is important). So here I am back on my blog that I haven’t touched in at least a year (I’m not going to go check, it doesn’t have to be perfect, and I’ll leave it at that). I don’t know if I’ll keep writing here. If anything, this one post is me saying my intention is to start, practice and ingrain new ways to get out of my head and hopefully live more centered on a more regular basis (not 100%, that would just set me up for failure). A practice to reframe my thoughts when I’m feeling disconnected and floating away.

This morning I meditated, for 10 whole minutes. It’s a great start.