01/03/2013 Daily Word –CLARITY

I posted on Facebook earlier today that my intention this year is to draw a word a day to reflect upon. Towards the end of last year I felt like I was on the cusp of something. Not quite sure what that is yet. I have been drawn back to some personal development work I did shortly after I moved to Seattle. Reminders about that work I did was popping up in the most curious of places. Conversations, opportunities, reminders, etc. etc. etc.!

Yes – the universe is trying to tell me something.

So I should probably listen.

Today I took down our holiday decorations and laid them all out on the dining room table. Each year, I attempt to get all of it back into 4 containers. If it doesn’t fit, I get rid of something. I don’t really need more than 3 containers of Christmas decorations and one for Hanukkah. We have enough stuff as it is. My work is nearly complete, just waiting on some dish towels to dry.

I was listening to the Les Misérables soundtrack while I did my work. Many songs bring me to tears every time I hear it, today was no exception. It felt pretty good actually, like a healthy release. Very cathartic.

I was also thinking about last year at this time. Taking down the decorations I was listening to NIN Pretty Hate Machine. I wanted to just throw it all away, I was so angry and in so much pain. I did realize nearly 6 weeks after my return, that the work trip in the Fall of 2011 really did a number on me. I was talking to my therapist about it, and a few very close friends. (Oh yeah, and I did post on here with more details of the whole trip) By the time I was taking holiday decorations down, I knew why I was such a mess and just trying to figure out how to Forgive Myself and move past it all.

It has been very clear to me this holiday that I have felt much lighter than last year. I actually enjoyed the holidays this time around. I didn’t get too stressed, I took two whole weeks off of work, I spent a lot of time with family and friends. It has been a great reminder of being able to move past my shit. It has also really illuminated what a bad state I was in a year ago.

So I am thankful that I was able to treat myself with Grace and committed enough to work through my emotions instead of hiding from them.

I also feel that this Daily Word thing is a good path to be on right now.

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