April 2011 Quote

Yes, yes…it has been way too long.  I have a list in my head, somewhere between Girl Scout cookie incentives, kidlet’s birthday plans (she wants us to “surprise” her with a gift!) and Italy vaca plans….is a list.

trust the

Alexandria Stoddard

You know what my first thought is?  Fuck the process!  Who has time to allow the process to happen.  Don’t you all see my To-Do list?  This April is one of the busiest months that I can even remember.  We have plans for every Friday and Saturday the whole month, plus two races, three birthday celebrations, non-profit work, etc. etc. don’t you love to hear me whine?!

I’ve been spending a lot of time with my therapist talking about BEing, not DOing.  DOing is my comfort place.  I’m like a shark, if I stop moving I’ll die.  I get so exasperated with Norman on the weekends (sorry babe) when he wants to know “the plan” and the last thing I want to do is create “the plan”.  I’d much rather let the universe lead me.  It often leads me to some in-depth house project that Norman gets (sometimes) frustrated since I hadn’t planned it, or it’s interfering with other plans.

(That was a whole lot of DOing right there)

So back to the BEing.  Recently I put two, 30 minute slots on my calendar at lunch time.  I don’t schedule over it and I force myself to step away from the desk.  It’s so easy to just sit here and eat and catch up on mail.  That does not allow for a break.  Walking away to the lounge with a book, closer to BEing.

I’m not even sure where I’m going with this.  My head is telling me to just DO and in May, when we are on vacation, I can BE.  I’ve been putting this off since November, there is no better time than Now. If I keep putting it off, where is my lesson?  How do I change that behavior and stop being a shark.  I don’t want to be a shark. 

Somewhere, somehow, I need more practice at unplugging and enjoying the life around me a little bit more.  This time around, I’ll try The Process instead of resisting it.  OK, not try, there is no try…(Yoda anyone?)