Yes, yes…it has been way too long. I have a list in my head, somewhere between Girl Scout cookie incentives, kidlet’s birthday plans (she wants us to “surprise” her with a gift!) and Italy vaca plans….is a list.
You know what my first thought is? Fuck the process! Who has time to allow the process to happen. Don’t you all see my To-Do list? This April is one of the busiest months that I can even remember. We have plans for every Friday and Saturday the whole month, plus two races, three birthday celebrations, non-profit work, etc. etc. don’t you love to hear me whine?!
I’ve been spending a lot of time with my therapist talking about BEing, not DOing. DOing is my comfort place. I’m like a shark, if I stop moving I’ll die. I get so exasperated with Norman on the weekends (sorry babe) when he wants to know “the plan” and the last thing I want to do is create “the plan”. I’d much rather let the universe lead me. It often leads me to some in-depth house project that Norman gets (sometimes) frustrated since I hadn’t planned it, or it’s interfering with other plans.
(That was a whole lot of DOing right there)
So back to the BEing. Recently I put two, 30 minute slots on my calendar at lunch time. I don’t schedule over it and I force myself to step away from the desk. It’s so easy to just sit here and eat and catch up on mail. That does not allow for a break. Walking away to the lounge with a book, closer to BEing.
I’m not even sure where I’m going with this. My head is telling me to just DO and in May, when we are on vacation, I can BE. I’ve been putting this off since November, there is no better time than Now. If I keep putting it off, where is my lesson? How do I change that behavior and stop being a shark. I don’t want to be a shark.
Somewhere, somehow, I need more practice at unplugging and enjoying the life around me a little bit more. This time around, I’ll try The Process instead of resisting it. OK, not try, there is no try…(Yoda anyone?)