April 2011 Quote

Yes, yes…it has been way too long.  I have a list in my head, somewhere between Girl Scout cookie incentives, kidlet’s birthday plans (she wants us to “surprise” her with a gift!) and Italy vaca plans….is a list.

slow
down
calm
down
don’t
worry
don’t
hurry
trust the
process

Alexandria Stoddard

You know what my first thought is?  Fuck the process!  Who has time to allow the process to happen.  Don’t you all see my To-Do list?  This April is one of the busiest months that I can even remember.  We have plans for every Friday and Saturday the whole month, plus two races, three birthday celebrations, non-profit work, etc. etc. don’t you love to hear me whine?!

I’ve been spending a lot of time with my therapist talking about BEing, not DOing.  DOing is my comfort place.  I’m like a shark, if I stop moving I’ll die.  I get so exasperated with Norman on the weekends (sorry babe) when he wants to know “the plan” and the last thing I want to do is create “the plan”.  I’d much rather let the universe lead me.  It often leads me to some in-depth house project that Norman gets (sometimes) frustrated since I hadn’t planned it, or it’s interfering with other plans.

(That was a whole lot of DOing right there)

So back to the BEing.  Recently I put two, 30 minute slots on my calendar at lunch time.  I don’t schedule over it and I force myself to step away from the desk.  It’s so easy to just sit here and eat and catch up on mail.  That does not allow for a break.  Walking away to the lounge with a book, closer to BEing.

I’m not even sure where I’m going with this.  My head is telling me to just DO and in May, when we are on vacation, I can BE.  I’ve been putting this off since November, there is no better time than Now. If I keep putting it off, where is my lesson?  How do I change that behavior and stop being a shark.  I don’t want to be a shark. 

Somewhere, somehow, I need more practice at unplugging and enjoying the life around me a little bit more.  This time around, I’ll try The Process instead of resisting it.  OK, not try, there is no try…(Yoda anyone?)

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