No, it’s MINE!

I really should be working on a test plan right now.  My brain is so tired.  It needs a rest.  For like… a week.  But since that won’t be happening anytime soon, I’m taking 20 minutes now.  On that tired thing – yesterday afternoon I had to give myself an attitude adjustment.  Yesterday morning I had reached critical mass and was super crabby in two meetings and not very professional.  I don’t like that.  I want to act better than that.  And yes, I’m human and all blah blah blah.  Still, I feel bad I was bitchy and unreasonable for – oh – about 3 hours yesterday morning.

Wow! Am I hard on myself or what?!

The other night I was tucking A into bed.  She has a foot injury from last weekend and we’ve been on her to keep her foot elevated.  There was a pillow under the sheets to raise it up while she slept.  All the sheets were tangled up, books piled up, stuffies falling off the edge.  So I took hold of the sheet to straighten it out.  The pillow underneath – it is one of my 2 favorite pillows in the house.  That I keep on my bed.  It has a nice satin, paisley print on one side and brushed velvet on the other.  It’s cozy.  Pretty.  It’s mine.

So I took it and said something like “you know this is mommy’s right?”  Boy did that kid throw a fit (which, by the way, is a very common occurrence in our house lately)  She was screaming and crying at me, saying it’s not fair and you don’t share with me and it’s so TEAR-ible of me.  Blah blah blah.  Tucked her in and took my pillow with me!

I brought the pillow back into my room and threw it on the bed. 

I paused.

A wave of Horrible Mommy washed over me.  How selfish I was.  Shouldn’t I teach her to share by sharing myself?  Guilt – OH the (recovering) catholic guilt! 

I paused again.

Then I got really pissed.  So pissed that if I didn’t love that pillow so much I would have bashed it against the wall until it ripped open. 

WHY should I have to share with my kid just because I’m the Mommy?  Shouldn’t I also teach her that some things are sacred?  And no – I don’t have to provide you a reason why!  I’m the Mommy and I said so and you just need to deal with it (flashback moment). 

Now I don’t feel guilty at all that I took the pillow back.  It’s my pillow after all and I don’t want to share. 

I’m also going to take my crayons and go home while I’m at it. 

So there!!