I really should be working on a test plan right now. My brain is so tired. It needs a rest. For like… a week. But since that won’t be happening anytime soon, I’m taking 20 minutes now. On that tired thing – yesterday afternoon I had to give myself an attitude adjustment. Yesterday morning I had reached critical mass and was super crabby in two meetings and not very professional. I don’t like that. I want to act better than that. And yes, I’m human and all blah blah blah. Still, I feel bad I was bitchy and unreasonable for – oh – about 3 hours yesterday morning.
Wow! Am I hard on myself or what?!
The other night I was tucking A into bed. She has a foot injury from last weekend and we’ve been on her to keep her foot elevated. There was a pillow under the sheets to raise it up while she slept. All the sheets were tangled up, books piled up, stuffies falling off the edge. So I took hold of the sheet to straighten it out. The pillow underneath – it is one of my 2 favorite pillows in the house. That I keep on my bed. It has a nice satin, paisley print on one side and brushed velvet on the other. It’s cozy. Pretty. It’s mine.
So I took it and said something like “you know this is mommy’s right?” Boy did that kid throw a fit (which, by the way, is a very common occurrence in our house lately) She was screaming and crying at me, saying it’s not fair and you don’t share with me and it’s so TEAR-ible of me. Blah blah blah. Tucked her in and took my pillow with me!
I brought the pillow back into my room and threw it on the bed.
A wave of Horrible Mommy washed over me. How selfish I was. Shouldn’t I teach her to share by sharing myself? Guilt – OH the (recovering) catholic guilt!
I paused again.
Then I got really pissed. So pissed that if I didn’t love that pillow so much I would have bashed it against the wall until it ripped open.
WHY should I have to share with my kid just because I’m the Mommy? Shouldn’t I also teach her that some things are sacred? And no – I don’t have to provide you a reason why! I’m the Mommy and I said so and you just need to deal with it (flashback moment).
Now I don’t feel guilty at all that I took the pillow back. It’s my pillow after all and I don’t want to share.
I’m also going to take my crayons and go home while I’m at it.