January’s Quotable Calendar wisdom…
True happiness lies within you!
Hoo Boy is that a loaded statement! I’ll save my 2009 Thoughts for later, it will take more time and contemplation. Let’s start here and not get frozen in “writers block”.
If you were to ask my husband, he may just say there is no happiness within me. He constantly asks me if I’m happy and it drives me freaking nuts! I’m not one of those people, nor will I ever be (or desire to be) one of those people. Don’t get me wrong, I have no problem with cheery optimists. Those people don’t get on my nerves. (Unless of course I’m in a really pissy mood and just want to be angry thank you very much!) In fact, those people are often pleasant to be around and can lift my spirits.
It’s not that I would mind being cheery optimist… hmmmm…
First of all, never in my life have I been one of those people. 39 years on this earth and you think I could just flip a switch on that one?! I’m still riddled with Catholic guilt and I left the church 23 years ago (for those mathematic types, that means I’ve been out of the church longer than I was in it and I still have the guilt!) Even if I made a concentrated and continuous effort to be one of those people, I’m still not going to be one of them. Think of how much work and effort it would take to just get to that level. It exhausts me thinking about it.
Then there’s the whole depression thing…thanks family genes! Yes, I am medicated. Yes, I’ve been medicated and gone off and back on again in my life – a few times actually. I don’t think I know a depressed person that has achieved those people status. It’s enough to be in life and enjoy the day and family and friends without adding cheer and sunshine on top of it. Boy – that sounds pessimistic huh? But seriously – if you have dealt with any level of depression you know that some days it’s all you can do to get out of bed in the morning and go to work and deal with people and eat normally and and and! I’m not very good at masking myself on those days. Thankfully, they don’t happen as often and I get past them a lot quicker than I ever did before. Some people in my life are really good at masking, medicated or not. I don’t know how they do it. Honestly. That must be so much work on top of the ands.
I’m content to be where I’m at. That is usually how I respond to Norman. He asks me if I’m happy and I say I’m content. Then he says he wants me to be happy. Well you know what? I don’t want to be happy – I want to be content. Yes, yes – it’s just words. We each come to the table with our own dictionaries and just as hard to insert the other’s definition after so many years. So maybe – just maybe – if I can keep from freaking out every time he asks me if I’m happy, then he can learn me being content is the desired goal.
Maybe. I’ll start today.