Today marks 2 weeks from my surgery.
A week ago I was 50 different shade of bruising. Really sore. Trying to get my head around the reality of my health, the continuing pain and soreness. Let alone functioning like a human after a week of pain meds and recovery. Lots to weigh on my mind. Also had my follow up appointment to remove the stitches and have a final check up. That went well, healing was going as it should. New bandage, final recommendations. Lastly, direction to have another ultrasound in 3-4 months to make sure it’s all gone.
Today, the bruising is mostly gone. Still there and visible. Even my kid is commenting about how I look better – but “still all bruisy mommy”. Feeling better each day. Working out again – even running! It’s still weird. Surreal.
As I look in the mirror, inspect in my typical OCD fashion, I’m having a panic that something was missed. It’s very likely the scar that is forming and will remain a “lump” to the touch. There is that lingering fear that I’ll go into surgery again. Perhaps I’m just too close to recent events to think rationally on it. Maybe I should just shut down this computer, go to the grocery store, and have a glass of wine with dinner.
Maybe it’s just a wake up call to start regularly engaging in all those maintenance-type activities like flossing and nasal washes and vitamins. More so – to chill the F-out!
I think it’s great that Breast Cancer has become a more prominent cause. Lots of walks and runs and fund raisers. There is even the Clicks for Free Mammograms. Sometimes I even quip that men (boob men or not) should be more involved in a cause that would benefit something they hold so dear to their hearts. Or other body parts.
I’d have to say I’m one of the fortunate ones. I’m young, I’m healthy, I take good care of myself, I have no history of (breast) cancer in my family. I really have no reason to worry.
I had my first mammogram 25 days ago. It came as a surprise because I went in for something else. I thought I would have to wait until 40. Which is really not that far away, certainly closer to 40 than I am to any other age. It’s another rite of passage. THE mammogram. It wasn’t too bad…it certainly puts your breasts in a position that you never thought imaginable. The mammogram didn’t show anything of concern to the radiologist. The ultrasound did.
11 days ago I consulted a breast surgeon. She took the history, she did the exam, she reviewed the films. The good news? Only 10-20% of lumps found are cancerous. My films did not show any typical cancer signs. Plus the odds are in my favor. She believed it was fibrosis-something-or-other. In reviewing all the treatments options – she, Norman and I agreed that it was best to remove it.
3 days ago I had the lump removed. The following day I got the incredible (relieving) news that it was benign.
All along, I really didn’t feel that it was cancer. I want to believe it’s because the odds are in my favor. I also have a tendency to ignore as a coping mechanism. Either way, it’s still freaky. Still nerve wracking. 12:15pm – 1:15pm Tuesday was the longest hour of my year – anxiety, nerves, fear and hope. I never thought the minute would come that they wheeled me into the operating room. And just like that, it was over. Ah the miracle of modern drugs.
Now I’m home recovering. I’ve got my pain killers. I’ve got some down time that I’ve really needed, naps, reading, bad TV. Today I’m easing back into the world by working at home and looking forward to book club tonight with my girls.
As fortunate as I am, it’s still a wake up call.
This month’s Quotable Calendar wisdom…
Life is too important to be taken seriously!
Boy do I need to hear that! Last month was pretty crazy.
A started 1st grade and we went through 3 colds in 4 weeks starting at our vacation. We are barely a month in and she has missed 3 days of school. Really hoping this is it! No flu, no H1N1, no falls or spills or anything!
Also pretty crazy for me. It’s one of the busier times at work. Then some personal stuff that I haven’t decided if I’m going to write about here.
Or not writing here. It was my 2009 resolution to maintain this blog more than any other I’ve kept before. I’m doing better than blogs past, know I can continue to improve my dedication to this one.
So there it is.
Happy October everyone!