I watched Oprah’s show on Moms this evening. Most of it made me laugh. Hearing the stories, the true confessions of moms…makes me feel a little less alone. And that was the point of the show.
Towards the end there was some discussion about the Working Mom, the Single Mom and the Stay At Home Mom. One person shared her view that it’s a war between them. A friendly war, a self-imposed war…yet a war.
This is so core to the tapes of inadequacy running through my head. One of my best friends, our daughters are in the same class. She’s a SAHM. I’m not. We’ve talked a few times about the differences, the challenges, the pains and successes.
Recently, the Kindergarten Moms have been having monthly coffee time after a drop off. Those of us working outside the home might or might not be there. I desperately want to be at one. I want to know these women better. Their kids and my kid will be in school together for many years to come. The last two gatherings have been on mornings I’ve had a recurring meeting that I just could not miss. Guilt tapes play…
So I was talking with my friend about this, how I so badly wanted to come. I don’t remember how, we got on the topic of things I do she finds as creative, great mom things. Like “Orange Lunch Day”. The truth – I was packing A’s lunch one day, and was actually disturbed that everything in the pack was orange – mac & cheese, carrots, orange and nilla wafers (OK, not orange, but up against the others my mind just said orange). So to turn it around, I wrote A a note “Happy Orange Lunch Day A!” with smileys and hearts she would love. The feedback? Seems Orange Lunch was a hit with a few of the kids. Another mom had to come up with “Green Lunch Day” for her son, resorting to food coloring. Wow. N-e-v-e-r saw that coming.
It made my day.
So, I go forward working to silence the tapes and trust more. Believe more. Engage with that secret Mom Community for strength and reassurance.