Fixed

I have started numerous posts in the last few weeks.  And deleted them.  Gotten weirded out about what I was saying, perhaps too private.  Just finished Heather Armstrong’s new book.  Quickly reset my dials – duh – it’s my blog.  So let’s go…

Four weeks ago, I went heavily drugged (Xanax) into my Gyno’s office and had my tubes tied.  Technically, a new procedure called Essure.  At my post-op I was informed that during the procedure I told the doctors/nurses my pain was at a 7.  Out of 10.  To me, that doesn’t seem high.  But they were all shocked at since I was on relaxants and had 5 locals before they started.  OK – girls – if you have ever had your uterus/tubes manipulated – it hurts like…jeez I cannot even find some witty way to describe the immense, blinding, debilitating pain that ensues.  My dear friend brought me home, tucked me into bed, left 4 trashy magazines and let herself out.  I slept most of the day.  Hobbled around the next day and a-half.  Had unrealistic expectations of how much it would knock me on my ass.  Granted, my Gyno told me many of her former patients went to work after the procedure.  Yeah right!

So – here I sit.  Gotta wait for 3 months for the tubes to scar over.  Then get an HSG (another uterus manipulation event that I’m not looking forward to) and it’s done.  No more babies.  No more hormones.  One less drug on my list of daily events.

I don’t regret it for a minute.

I used to think I wanted 2 kids.  After a year of trying, acupuncture, doctors, tests and fertility exercises, I realized I didn’t want another.  Sure, it would be great for A to have a sibling.  Someone to grow with, then rely on as an adult.  At the same time, how was I going to live with another child?  I daily feel the balance between work, home and sanity to be a tentative exercise.  At that time in our lives, I felt I was finally getting the rhythm down, felt some sense of regularity.  It was a very hard decision.  A Very Hard decision.

I’ve always been the type to have certainty when I make a decision.  Sure, it could take weeks, months, eons…for me to get there.  But once that decision is made – no holding me back.  Went back to my Gyno, got on the pill and told her I’d take a year to think about it.  All the while knowing a year later I’d be sitting in the same office asking for the permanent solution. 

I love my child dearly.  Parenting is as much rewarding as it is challenging, learning and growing. 

My point?  I don’t regret it for one minute. 

Not one.

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