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December 1, 2011

November 2011 Monthly Quote

Posted by jenniferlg under mental health, monthly quote
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Damn! I didn’t do August, September or October monthly quote?!  What the hell have I been doing?  Oh yeah – my job plus covering a backfill, planning a PTA fundraising auction, traveling to Europe and Asia (more to come on that later) and being sick for 4 weeks straight.  All that can slow a girl’s blog down huh?

So! November quote….

peace.

it does not mean to be in a place

where there is no noise, trouble

or hard work. it means to be in

the midst of those things and still

be calm in your heart.

(unknown)

OK – talk about the universe speaking to me… I honestly had not really read the quote and absorbed it until right now when I typed it out.  After having written that first paragraph. Guess I’m not much at peace these days.

And honestly, no, I am not at peace. Last weekend I put up the holiday decorations. We typically do the tree closer to my birthday. It actually depressed me to put everything out. I have not had that experience before. Norman has been asking about What I want to do on my birthday and I’m avoiding the topic. Which is also unlike me since it is the one time a year I really honestly act like a Princess, eat at least two cupcakes on my birthday and not feel guilty about it.

So – gotta get out of my funk so I can enjoy the coming weeks. Tomorrow is December, let’s see what the monthly quote is then – perhaps – inspiration!

 

July 22, 2011

July 2011 Monthly Quote

Posted by jenniferlg under children, monthly quote, wellness
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It’s been quite a while.  Quite!  I was thinking a few weeks ago (yes, that long) that I haven’t been keeping up with the new year’s resolutions.  Is this really news?  I supposed not, but this year I wanted to get back to writing notes, on all the stationary collecting in my desk.  I think the hand written letters are an art form that needs to be kept up in the world.  It meant so much to me growing up to have a pen pal.  So exciting to get notes with pictures or little tokens of love and friendship.  Recently, a college friend from Jersey was looking for a pen pal for her daughter.  I got her connected with someone out here is Washington.  I truly  hope the girls become friends and have that same love of letter writing and quirky local fare to send to each other. 

Live by

the Trinity

of what

is True,

Good, and

Beautiful

Alexandra Stoddard

It’s been a trying 2 weeks for me.  My ass has been kicked around by multiple illnesses.  Last week I had a fever for two days, slept most of that off.  A sore throat that turned out to be strep.  Another little health scare that has turned out to not be as serious as I had thought.  And now I have a head cold.  Frick.  Of course, going to 3 concerts this past week has not helped in my healing.  I think it’s why I have a head cold right now.

It certainly is a reminder to take care of myself.  More than working out or eating right.  I need to figure out how to not be so stressed out most of the time, or perhaps the more accurate way to describe it is not to be so forward focused on what needs to get done.  I haven’t been a manager for 5 1/2 years since I left my old job.  Learning to delegate was one of the more challenging aspects for me.  I’m not really in a role to delegate – but I’m not talking about work, I’m talking about home.

Mostly for the kid.  A few weeks ago she and I cleaned her room.  There was an expectation that she keep it up, within reason, as we promised to update her room.  The baby colors and artwork has served its purpose.  Now she is 8 and ready to move into her tween phase (goddess help us!).  She got a new stereo this week, a real one with actual speakers and docking station for her iTouch.  When it was set up this week I got all nostalgic for my first stereo.  Music has played such an important part of my life, although she won’t be laying on the floor looking at the LP sleeve and learning all the lyrics – it has been great to watch her this past week steal away to her room at night and listen to all sorts of music.  Norman gave her some Bowie, although I haven’t heard that coming out of the speakers yet.  I have heard Storm Large and a mix-CD she got at a birthday party 2 years ago.  And last night – she asked me for Black Eyed Peas!!  There is hope for her yet!  Granted, not sure the Peas are 8-yr old appropriate, but we are getting somewhere.

Anyway – my point is – as parents we need to be better about holding her to household chores.  Like – my goodness put your clean clothes away on Sunday!  Not Friday!  And put them away properly please, don’t just shove them in a drawer.  Oh, and make your bed, empty the dishwasher, feed the cat and water the plants.  That is not too much to ask of an 8-yr old.

I’ve been beating myself up about slacking on that, that I need to be better to hold her accountable.  She’s starting 3rd grade in the fall and needs to start contributing.  Some girlfriends and I were talking recently that kids don’t seem to be as afraid of their parents as when we grew up.  I don’t mean in an abusive way.  I mean that if we didn’t behave or do what expected – that there are consequences.  Like being grounded or TV taken away (in today’s world is that grounded, no Xbox or cell phones?!)  The one that got me every single time was having my stereo taken away.  If my offense was serious enough, I would lose my stereo for a week.  It killed me, I really got the point of what I had done wrong.  I learned my lesson.  I tried to do better.  I need to find that kind of meaningful thing for A – what is going to help teach the lesson so she tries to do better the next time.

I think, to start, we should make a chore chart this weekend.  And a promise statement about what is expected in the house, and any consequences if not upheld.  Yep…think I should go talk to Norman about that…

So – here’s to healing and taking the next steps for positive mental health!

 

May 18, 2011

May 2011 Monthly Quote

Posted by jenniferlg under Italy, monthly quote
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Keep your eyes on the stars and keep you feet on the ground

Teddy Roosevelt

First of all – little known Jen fact – when I was a kid Teddy Roosevelt was my favorite president.  One time while visiting relatives we visited his home and I just became obsessed.  I (once) knew a lot of things about his life and time as president, sadly those facts don’t live in my brain anymore.

Anyway – Hi! Back from Italy for 3 days now and the jet lag is somewhat OK.  About 30 minutes ago I hit my wall.  Which includes a throbbing headache and lack of focus.  I am able to function in some level of awake-ness from 6am – 9pm, with intermittent brain lapses, irritability and strong desire to put my head down.  I’ll get there, and honestly it isn’t too bad…I’ll just complain about it today.

So – this month’s quote – feels rather apropos given the vacation and time in Italy.  We all talked about incorporating some of the Cortona/Italian life style back into our lives with kids and jobs and responsibilities.  I need to spend some time and figure out what that means for me.  Aside from finding the perfect local cappuccino that could stand up to Café Signorelli!

Items that won’t work on a daily basis:

  1. Sleeping until 9am
  2. Hour long morning coffee in the sun outside at a café
  3. Early afternoon naps
  4. The level of wine consumption we had in Italy (although some of that crew may challenge me on this)
  5. Afternoon gelati runs

Items that could work on a daily basis:

  1. Being outside!  Hiking, walking, exploring new places or favorite haunts
  2. Time in a comfy chair with coffee and a favorite CD for 10-15 minutes to start the day
  3. More frequent connection with friends
  4. Shopping at local farmer’s markets and eating the freshest produce possible
  5. Reading, for more than 10 minutes and from a book not a magazine
  6. Playing Uno
  7. Taking up a craft/DIY/hobby that will charge my batteries
  8. …more TBD….

Hm, pretty good list for possible options, will need to spend more time thinking that through.  So far today I’ve…

  1. Attempted to find the perfect cappuccino
  2. Spent time outside, like a whole 90 minutes!
  3. ah, rest of day is TBD

Ciao!

 

April 4, 2011

April 2011 Quote

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Yes, yes…it has been way too long.  I have a list in my head, somewhere between Girl Scout cookie incentives, kidlet’s birthday plans (she wants us to “surprise” her with a gift!) and Italy vaca plans….is a list.

slow
down
calm
down
don’t
worry
don’t
hurry
trust the
process

Alexandria Stoddard

You know what my first thought is?  Fuck the process!  Who has time to allow the process to happen.  Don’t you all see my To-Do list?  This April is one of the busiest months that I can even remember.  We have plans for every Friday and Saturday the whole month, plus two races, three birthday celebrations, non-profit work, etc. etc. don’t you love to hear me whine?!

I’ve been spending a lot of time with my therapist talking about BEing, not DOing.  DOing is my comfort place.  I’m like a shark, if I stop moving I’ll die.  I get so exasperated with Norman on the weekends (sorry babe) when he wants to know “the plan” and the last thing I want to do is create “the plan”.  I’d much rather let the universe lead me.  It often leads me to some in-depth house project that Norman gets (sometimes) frustrated since I hadn’t planned it, or it’s interfering with other plans.

(That was a whole lot of DOing right there)

So back to the BEing.  Recently I put two, 30 minute slots on my calendar at lunch time.  I don’t schedule over it and I force myself to step away from the desk.  It’s so easy to just sit here and eat and catch up on mail.  That does not allow for a break.  Walking away to the lounge with a book, closer to BEing.

I’m not even sure where I’m going with this.  My head is telling me to just DO and in May, when we are on vacation, I can BE.  I’ve been putting this off since November, there is no better time than Now. If I keep putting it off, where is my lesson?  How do I change that behavior and stop being a shark.  I don’t want to be a shark. 

Somewhere, somehow, I need more practice at unplugging and enjoying the life around me a little bit more.  This time around, I’ll try The Process instead of resisting it.  OK, not try, there is no try…(Yoda anyone?)

 

February 2, 2011

2010 (in a nutshell)

Posted by jenniferlg under me, monthly quote
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Does doing this February 1st still count?  I never got around to doing one for 2009 – January became February, then March and then who the hell am I kidding it won’t get done?!  There is one for 2008.  I did one for 2007 and 2006 but now I don’t know where that blog is – hahaha.  So here it is, late, but DONE!

1. What did you do in 2010 that you’d never done before?
I had my first visit to Asia, I traveled to Hong Kong (on business).  Incorporated “running” into my regular exercise routine. Volunteered to co-chair my daughter’s 2012 auction (with Norman)

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
In a very one-tenth-assed kind of way – I made more progress on organization in 2010 than any other year prior to that.  This year I’m planning to (1) send 2 hand-written notes a month to friends in far off places (truth be told I’ve already missed January), (2) took on the “pay it forward” Facebook challenge so 5 lucky people will receive handmade gifts from me before the end of the year and (3) still do some work on that organizing thing

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
My brother and SIL – my 3rd nephew, a few girlfriends around and out of town

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Oh boy – if there was I cannot remember it

5. What countries did you visit?
Hong Kong – wow – didn’t even make it to Canada last year!

6. What would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2010?
Sacred time, more community

7. What dates from 2010 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
April 2010 – visited new nephews (and in-laws) in Florida
April 25th – A’s 7th birthday
May 11th – my 8th wedding anniversary
July 25th – app release to support my project, it was ALL about the “July Release”
August 27th – when my phase of the project launched and I could take some needed time off
November 3rd – my incredibly short trip to Hong Kong
December 10th – the day I (gulp) turned 40!!

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
It was a very work-intensive year, it was somewhat short-lived, planned for, family alerted and still – felt like the most monumental thing I did in 2010.  And that kinda makes me sad….

9. What was your biggest failure?
See above!

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Nothing significant – usual colds and such

11. What was the best thing you bought?
40th birthday bracelet

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
My family. My husband continues to be great support when I can be a royal bitch. My kid has a heart of gold, even when she pushed every possible boundary known to a parent!

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
I’m pretty fortunate in the friend & family department

14. Where did most of your money go?
The usual – mortgage, childcare, good food, good wine, chocolate

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
My brother and family moved to Washington!  Yay – family close by!!

16. What song (I’m saying artists) will always remind you of 2010?
Sarah McLachlan, Mumford & Sons, Seeing Swell Season live just before they broke up, The Decemberists, 80s mix (given the 80s themed birthday party)

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: a) happier or sadder? b) thinner or fatter? c) richer or poorer?
Mostly happier, thinner, about the same – it’s all good!

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Find a way to focus, so I’m not wasting time – like, what are my high producing periods?

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Being inside during the summer, when that’s the time of year to be outside in this part of the country

20. How did you spend Christmas?
Home with kidlet and husband.  My SIL, niece & nephew came for brunch since my brother was working.  Pretty mellow day.

21. Did you fall in love in 2010?
Yes

22. What was your favorite TV program?
Bones, Glee, True Blood, Weeds, 30 Rock, Hoarders

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
That is such an ugly thought, I don’t really hate people.  I may not like to be around them at times, but hate….

24. What was the best book you read?
The Passage by Justin Cronin – and beginning the Millennium series (which is bleeding over to 2011)

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?
The Decemberists (although this may have been in 2009)
Sugarland (at Lilith Fair)

26. What did you want and get?
See #11

27. What did you want and not get?
Kindle?  iPad?  Is that shallow?  How about time for myself and family

28. What was your favorite film of this year?
Harry Potter, Black Swan, Easy A, Whip It, A Single Man – there are Oscar nominated I haven’t seen yet that could make the list too….

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
On my actual birthday I took the day off of work.  Went to the gym, had lunch with Norman and then went shopping with my SIL.  Had dinner with the family and cupcakes.  It was a pretty stellar birthday

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Memories of being in warm weather – like, my week in Florida was fabulous!

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2010?
Chic comfort, with killer heels and accessories

32. What kept you sane?
Music. And absolute quiet.  And being alone in my house (once in a while).

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Colin Firth – did you see him in A Single Man?

34. What political issue stirred you the most?
All those election commercials and mailers – I am NOT interested in your slam campaigns and taking over so much time on the airwaves and mail waste.  It’s disgusting and distracting and just let the voters do their job to read up and make their own decision. Realizing that not all voters actually take that initiative and sometimes use those commercials to make choices – which is a whole other problem in this country!

35. Who did you miss?
Hm….did I miss anyone?  Besides family that live a plane ride away?

36. Who was the best new person you met?
New book club gals

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2010.
No matter how much therapy you have done in the past, there is always room for more.  Sometimes repeating conversations and shit I thought I had already learned and moved past.  It’s a process…

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

Sarah McLachlan – Rivers of Love

There’s a tunnel that leads to the rivers of love
The sides make you bleed ‘til your white as a dove
Don’t bother to bring all the baggage you cling to
The porter will free you before you come through
The doorway that cleanses the darkness that mends
It’s easy to smile in the end…

And it all comes down to leaving it all behind and moving on
To the rivers of love
And never be lonely again
How long have you waited? How long ‘til you drown?

The rules and directions the twists and corrections
Take tolls on the highs we still strive ‘til we die
To seek out the one love-the one that we dream of
The one may be there with you everyday
Alone and untethered and free of all ties
Free since the day you first cried

And it all comes down to leaving it all behind and moving on
To the rivers of love
And never be lonely again
How long have you waited? How long ‘til you drown?
How long have you waited? How long ‘til you drown?

 

September 7, 2010

September Quote

Posted by jenniferlg under mental health, monthly quote, work
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I didn’t do my August Quote last month.  Work was hell.  A hell I was expecting and mostly prepared for – but still hell.  It’s now the 7th of September and I’m still reeling.  Friday, 8/27 was a critical milestone.  It was like I was working and living on a stealth aircraft at full tilt – and then whiplash back to the maximum speed of a Prius.  I took a few days off, somewhat recouped my mental and physical abilities, got A off to her first day of 2nd grade.  Just had a nice long weekend where I spent most of it at Bumbershoot.  Now I’m back in the office and having trouble getting into motion.  But first! The quote:

Let your

light shine.

Be a source

of strength

and courage.

Share your

wisdom.

Radiate love

- Wilferd Peterson

Yeah.  That does nothing for me right now.  Just not where I am in my life.

During my few days off, before school started, A had a play date with a friend.  I had the complete conflict of Getting Stuff Done versus Relaxing.  As difficult as it was for me to let go – I decided to ignore my To Do List.  I attempted some White Space for the afternoon.  The first block of hours I had in quite awhile.  I sat “still” for 10 minutes (fidgeting, twirling my hair, looking around the room, etc.)  I couldn’t do it.  My mind was also racing, and trying to calm down, to listen to what I wanted to do with my block of time.  Do I read my book, listen to music?  Movie?  The weather was nice enough to sit outside for awhile.  I ended up grabbing a DVD I got for Christmas and hadn’t watched – Rent filmed live on Broadway.  This is one of my favorite musicals ever.  I got totally absorbed, lost track of time, laughed, cried, cried some more.  Still not completely absorbed as I obsessed about the time and having to pick up A from her play date.  So in sum – it was kinda relaxing, for a girl that doesn’t do it well.  I need to practice that more.  Seriously, the fidgeting and racing mind are not helping my stress levels.  A starts back at Hebrew school this Sunday (which means I get my Sunday afternoon’s alone back).

We’ll see how this goes. 

 

July 1, 2010

July Quote

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OK – I know what you are thinking, April to July?  What happened to May and June?  Well, May was this really long Whitman prose that I didn’t feel like retyping.  I had intended to take a picture instead – huh, then its June.  And June?  I just didn’t do it, no excuses, no apologies, I just didn’t do it.

Welcome July!

You are made of stars!
(Serbian Proverb)

Hm.  Stars.  Really?  I don’t feel like a Star.  At least in how I would define a Star.  I don’t mean celebrity either.  Heroes?  Sure.  Outstanding Citizens and Acts of Kindness?  You betcha.  Me?  OK – if i think about it, I can get on board.  I like to think I shine, no, believe I shine.  I have a tendency to shine in one area of my life at a time.  I’m not good at equal-opportunity stardom.  I’m also realistic, I have no desire to be a Star as a mom, wife, friend, employee, etc etc all at the same time.  My gawd I would be dead!  It would be good to practice being a Star at more than one at any given time.

So let’s think about this.  Where am I a Star today?

Today, July 1st, I would have to say I’m being a Star at friendship and self-nurturing.  I’d like to think I’m borderline Star Wife.  I don’t feel like a Star Mom recently.  Hm.  Interesting.

So where do I want to go with that?  I’d like to dial up the Mom and Wife – perhaps tone down the Friend just a tad, and maintain self-nurturing.  And what did I do right there?  Convinced myself to even out and be a Star across the board.  Huh – funny.

This weekend is pretty Jen-focused.  Having drinks with a Friend on Friday, going to Lilith Fair with more Friends on Saturday, hanging out with Friends on the 4th.  That Mom & Wife thing – well, tomorrow I’m taking the day off to be with A.  Hm – lacking in the Wife there.  How about I send the kid to a friend’s house on Monday so Norman and I can be together.  Sounds like a plan!  Let’s see, how do I make that happen?

Yep – I’m made of Stars – and this weekend I’d like to shine brightly!

 

April 14, 2010

April Quote

Posted by jenniferlg under monthly quote, parenting, reads
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“the time has come” the walrus said,

“to talk of many things:

of shoes – and ships –

and sealing way –

of cabbages – and kings –

and why the sea is boiling hot

and whether pigs have wings”

- lewis carroll

Did you see Alice in Wonderland?  I am a HUGE Tim Burton fan.  I remember sitting in the Moorestown Mall Cinema back in high school waiting for Edward Scissorhands to start.  My friend leaned across to me and said something along the lines of – Tim Burton is a GENIUS!  That was before I really knew who Tim Burton was.  Now – I agree he is a creative genius.     Huh.     Perhaps I work with too many technical engineers.

A asked to see the movie in the theater – instead we let her watch a version from the 70s via streaming Netflix.  Wow.  Think Mr. Burton’s was trippy?  Try watching a movie from the 70s with those kinds of special effects and that kind of acting.  If today’s Alice is a journey into an altered imagination when sober – the one from the 70s would require a glass of wine (or 5) to get through it.

I digress.

Lately I have been enjoying young adult literature – for more reasons than it’s a quick read for a busy mom.  It’s exciting to think that very soon A will read the books I read as a kid – or some I haven’t.  (note – the some I haven’t is the ONLY reason I’ll read the Twilight series, if she asks me to)  I’ve started to reread Madeleine L’Engle, John D. Fitzgerald and Judy Blume. It’s kinda exciting to revisit books I read as a kid and haven’t picked up since then.  Those that had such an influence on me. 

We started reading Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone to her a few weeks ago.  She is in love with this book.  She tells us she can’t wait to begin reading all the others as soon as possible.  Uh, in due time my child…  Last week on a family vacation to Florida, she spent nearly every ride in the backseat with Grandma conducting Witch Class.  They came up with some pretty good spells.  My favorite being the Freezing Spell.  You need to do that magic thing and say “Froze!!!”  If the witch ever decides to relief that poor frozen person, the witch needs to shout “UF!”  The adults cracked up every time, I think Grandma was afraid of rearranging those letters, as were the parents.

And the fun continues.

 

March 1, 2010

March Quote

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Yes, I know.  I never posted February’s quote. It was one of the crazier months in a long, long time.  Multiple, many-hour live meetings.  Quick trip to the Bay Area for project meetings.  Late nights last week prepping for a leadership read out session.  I hit a wall about 3pm PST, Thursday, February 25th and I’ve barely recovered as of 3pm PST, Monday, March 1st.  I know things will kinda calm down by April, it will be a different kind of busy.  (note to self – in early Feb I was saying by 3/1…last week I was saying by 3/15…creeping creeping creeping)

Anyhoo…on to March’s Quote.  As each month goes by and I flip my calendar pages – I continue to be surprised by the message the universe is sending me via this calendar.  Get a load of this one:

1. the path is not straight.

2. mistakes need not be fatal.

3. people are more important than achievements or possessions.

4. be gentle with your parents

5. never stop doing what you care most about.

6. learn to use a semicolon.

7. you will find love.

- marion winik

uh… #1-3 nearly knocked me off my seat!  After all, it’s only a JOB!! right?  I do take a lot of pride in what I do.  I like what I do.  I enjoy the people I work with.  And still there are times, when I’m driving to the office thinking, I could just keep going, don’t take the exit, don’t go to the parking garage, run away for the day…run away…  I don’t run away.  I have an overwhelming sense of responsibility in my life.  Not just work – in my life.  I see so many aspects of my past – childhood and all – that led me to this feeling.  It all ties into that challenge in letting go and just Being.  Have you heard that one before, pretty hooky, I’m a human BEing, not a human DOing  Yeah – I rolled my eyes too.  It is true though, on some level.

My latest (work) relief is to update my To Do list daily.  I don’t mean go and check off the boxes.  It’s go, rewrite the To Do list and remove anything completed.  I’m in a place of 3 steps forward and 7 steps back.  It’s frustrating.  It’s reality.  It will get done, it always does.  I just need to remember to stop along the way and get a pedicure, or stay up late to finish a book, or to take a damned day off from time to time.

Oh – hey -

Have a pedi scheduled tonight, finished my book about 11:35 last night, and I’m taking this Friday off!  Must be on the right track somewhere.

 

January 4, 2010

January Quote

Posted by jenniferlg under mental health, monthly quote
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January’s Quotable Calendar wisdom…

True happiness lies within you!

Og Mandino

Hoo Boy is that a loaded statement!  I’ll save my 2009 Thoughts for later, it will take more time and contemplation.  Let’s start here and not get frozen in “writers block”.

If you were to ask my husband, he may just say there is no happiness within me.  He constantly asks me if I’m happy and it drives me freaking nuts!  I’m not one of those people, nor will I ever be (or desire to be) one of those people.  Don’t get me wrong, I have no problem with cheery optimists.  Those people don’t get on my nerves.  (Unless of course I’m in a really pissy mood and just want to be angry thank you very much!)  In fact, those people are often pleasant to be around and can lift my spirits.

It’s not that I would mind being cheery optimist… hmmmm…

First of all, never in my life have I been one of those people.  39 years on this earth and you think I could just flip a switch on that one?!  I’m still riddled with Catholic guilt and I left the church 23 years ago (for those mathematic types, that means I’ve been out of the church longer than I was in it and I still have the guilt!)  Even if I made a concentrated and continuous effort to be one of those people, I’m still not going to be one of them.  Think of how much work and effort it would take to just get to that level.  It exhausts me thinking about it.

Then there’s the whole depression thing…thanks family genes!  Yes, I am medicated.  Yes, I’ve been medicated and gone off and back on again in my life – a few times actually.  I don’t think I know a depressed person that has achieved those people status.  It’s enough to be in life and enjoy the day and family and friends without adding cheer and sunshine on top of it.  Boy – that sounds pessimistic huh?  But seriously – if you have dealt with any level of depression you know that some days it’s all you can do to get out of bed in the morning and go to work and deal with people and eat normally and and and!  I’m not very good at masking myself on those days.  Thankfully, they don’t happen as often and I get past them a lot quicker than I ever did before.  Some people in my life are really good at masking, medicated or not.  I don’t know how they do it.  Honestly.  That must be so much work on top of the ands.

I’m content to be where I’m at.  That is usually how I respond to Norman.  He asks me if I’m happy and I say I’m content.  Then he says he wants me to be happy.  Well you know what?  I don’t want to be happy – I want to be content.  Yes, yes – it’s just words.  We each come to the table with our own dictionaries and just as hard to insert the other’s definition after so many years.  So maybe – just maybe – if I can keep from freaking out every time he asks me if I’m happy, then he can learn me being content is the desired goal. 

Maybe.  I’ll start today.

 

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